I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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