I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
