YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
