fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
