if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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