I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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