The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
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