Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
