was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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