Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
