My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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