Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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