i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Of course I have a pirate flag
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
