The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
