She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
