i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
