You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
