i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
