she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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