So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
