real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
