Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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