apparently the secret to your success is patron
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
