my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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