wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
