i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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