Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
