I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
