Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
