Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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