so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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