he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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