I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
