You smell like a Billy Joel song
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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