i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
