You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Randomize
