Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
