Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
