it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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