Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
