She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
