I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
