How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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