"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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