I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
