I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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