i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
