just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
two words: eviction party
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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