I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
