He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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