i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
