i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
