My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
