I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
