dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
