i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
