when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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