If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
